I wanted to take a moment to hear from other people about their experiences in parenthood so I reached out to a long-time internet friend and her son to do a Q&A with me and my kids. Here's what we talked about.

Kirsten: Tell us your names, ages, and where you live.

Naomi: My mom was a young mom, what was that like for you?

Bryanna: Well, being a young mom was scary, lonely, and hard. I was 15 years old and had to balance being a teenager and a mom at the same time. I wanted to enjoy teenager things like hang out with my friends and have no responsibilities, but had a tiny baby to raise. Overall, I would say that for me being a young mom was very lonely.

Anni: What do you like to do for fun? What makes you happy?

Jesse: I basically like to lay down to bed, because I like the blanket I have which is cuddly. I like playing games on my computer and running and hugging my stuffed animals.

Kirsten: What is Jesse James diagnosed with and when did you first start to notice? What was the diagnosing process like?

Bryanna: Jesse is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD combined type, and Unspecified Mood Disorder. I first suspected he possibly had autism when he was around 1 1/2 to 2 years old. He had forgotten a few of the words he did learn and would often hurt himself. He would hit himself or bang his head on the floor. Once I started seeing these signs and had people around me notice then I went ahead and contacted a doctor to start the diagnosing process. Jesse-James had to have his hearing tested to make sure he didn't have a hearing problem. He had to have a MRI of his brain because right before he was born I had a seizure so the doctors wanted to make sure nothing happened to him. He had to have his speech evaluated by a speech pathologist. Jesse-James was seen by and eventually diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder by a neurologist around age 3. I noticed his ADHD very soon after that. He has a ton of energy, way more than all other kids I have ever been around. The process for ADHD was fairly simple. A child psychologist spent a few hours with Jesse and had him complete tasks and answer certain questions. I had to fill out paperwork about behaviors I see in Jesse. The same child psychologist diagnosed him with Unspecified Mood Disorder. Because we have a family history of mood disorders and Jesse displayed certain behaviors the doctor concluded he is at risk for having a mood disorder.

Anni: What is autism?

Bryanna: Autism is a neurological and developmental disorder. In simpler terms it means Jesse and other people who have autism have brains that are wired differently. So because their brains are wired differently they have a hard time with things like socialization, behavior, and communication. Sometimes people with autism have a very hard time in social situations like reading body language or interacting with their peers. Sometimes people with autism are very sensitive to lights, textures, and sounds. It affects everyone with autism differently.

Naomi: Have you ever experienced bullying or trouble learning in school?

Jesse: I don't think I had trouble being bullied. I don't have trouble learning in class especially for a kid like me.

Kirsten: How do you help Jesse James when he has a bad day? What do you do to try to prevent them? Is there a special diet, medication, or affirmations you give him?

Bryanna: When Jesse has a bad day I like to ask him what I can do to make his day better. That usually involves Taco Bell, a soda, and some Netflix. The biggest prevention is sticking to a schedule and a routine. Most of the time a disruption in his routine means that his entire day is downhill. Changes in routine really upset him so even though I try and stick to routine, life happens. I have to calmly tell him that not everything is in our control and there will bumps in the road. Talking calmly doesn't always work so distraction and redirection help. So I'll say, "Hey Jesse wanna do_______?" or, "Jesse, tell me about ____.". As far as diet goes, Jesse used to be a very picky eater. He ate a total of 4 things! His palette has expanded but still limited. He recently started taking a nutritional supplement that is a super potent multivitamin specially designed for kids like Jesse on the spectrum. It seems to be a positive addition to his diet. Jesse also takes melatonin every night for sleep because sleeping is an issue for him. The melatonin works great so far. Sleep is so important for him because when he doesn't get enough rest, his mood changes for the worst. I like to remind him that I love him before dropping him off at school. That he is unique and a special person. 

Anni: What is a mood disorder? What is ADHD?

Bryanna: A mood disorder effects your mood! So you can be really happy for a period of time and then really sad for period of time. Everyone can be happy or sad, but for someone with a mood disorder their happiness and sadness are extreme and random. ADHD is Attention-Deficit-Hyperactivity Disorder. When someone has ADHD they sometimes have attention deficits; meaning they have difficulty with the ability to focus. Other times they might be hyperactive meaning they have trouble being still. Sometimes people deal with both attention deficit and hyperactivity which is what Jesse has!

Naomi: Do you have a best friend? Are there people you feel safe talking to and being yourself around?

Jesse: Well, basically, no, I don't have a best friend. I just walk around all day. Yeah, I feel safe with my mom. There isn't anyone I feel like I can be myself around.

Kirsten: What things do you think you've gotten better at since first becoming a parent? What do you still struggle with?

Bryanna: I think after being a parent for 10 years, I have learned to have more patience. I feel like patience can be such a struggle as a parent and if you don't have enough patience then it can really affect your entire mood. I know this first hand because there are days where I feel like I have 0 patience, but I try and remind myself to R E L A X. One thing I feel I struggle with as a parent is being a helicopter parent! You know, the overbearing type of parent. My intentions are good, I want my child to be safe and protected. To be safe and protected he needs me, at least that's how I feel. His childhood and my childhood are completely different! At his age I had sleepovers with my friends. I can not imagine letting him sleep over at someone's house, that thought gives me anxiety.

Anni: Do you play Minecraft or Roblox? Can we be friends with you?

Jesse: It depends. Do you have Xbox Live? If you do, we can be friends on Xbox Live/Minecraft. Yes, you can be friends with me. My Xbox name is: [redacted] 

Kirsten: What things would you want our readers to know about being a mother to such an awesome kid and BEING an awesome kid?

So you're an artist. You've realized that one of the best ways to grow your business is to get an audience for it. How do you do that? Social media of course! Man, it can be a confusing AND frustrating undertaking. Where do you start? Why am I not growing at the rate I want to? How can I improve? Well, I'm not an expert, but I think I can offer some advice and support. Let's get started.

1. Figure out what you want to do and WHO you are. Are you a hairstylist? A painter? A designer? Model? Are you interested in creating content for others? These are all important questions to ask yourself. If you are a shop owner, it depends on if you are selling things at a brick & mortar, online, or both. Ideally, both, but I understand that the overhead costs, time, etc. can effect that. If you are trying to book clients or get them into a physical location to buy your products, simply just existing IRL or doing the bare minimum online will barely cut it. You need to advertise yourself and build a need/incentive. Why would clients choose you over other options? Maybe you're a fun personality, offer services that others don't, have great business ethics and are charitable. Find what makes you stand out and drive that point again and again. Talk to people about yourself, post pictures, go live, show your creative process. Millennials, Gen Z, and newer generations are educated consumers and they want a reason to go with you AND sometimes even develop a personal connection. On the other hand, it's smart run ads (some options are amazingly affordable) because even though platforms like Instagram and Facebook are technically free platforms, they are businesses and favor paying participants.

2. Who is your audience? This is a tough question because sometimes, in the early stages of your venture, you don't actually know until you put yourself out there and see who is responding. With Tiny Bangs, my approach was to keep things simple. We were a creative (mostly faceless at the time) clothing option for kids. I didn't anticipate how much our audience would be interested in getting to know us. Putting yourself out there is kind of a scary thing to do, especially if you have been burned before. The fact of the matter is that a lot of young people, online in particular, are disillusioned with big, impersonal companies. It's the information age and anyone can look up anything about you and what comes with that is a new era of transparency. Be honest, be willing to adapt to your audience within reason to find what works. Do they want to see your products in action? If you are going the influencer/content creator route, what is your audience interested in? Maybe it's an outfit of the day with the brands or your products tagged, a tutorial on how to create something, or a giveaway.

3. Try on a lot of hats. You may think you have a clear sense of your skills going into this, but you don't TRULY know until you try things. The bonus aspects of doing that is not only figuring out what you can do, but it looks good to prospective clients/followers AND you are fully taking advantage of all that social media has to offer. Go live, write a blog, post a video, do a before and after, show things in different locations, and work with other creators. Make sure you are using EVERYTHING.

4. This algorithm thing, I don't get it. Honestly, most people don't. If you've been in the game for awhile, you will start noticing patterns. These are always subject to change because of the powers that be at the social media development team level. Here's what I've observed. If you post more, you'll be seen more. Okay, that can make a lot of people nervous, but hear me out. Some people want a beautiful, curated feed and while that still is possible, don't be afraid to give yourself a break. Some content is better than none at all. I like the 3 post rule (which can be time consuming but worth it): I try to post 3 times a day on my feed leaving ideally 4 or more hours apart. Why would you do that? Well, back to back post can compete with each other and exhaust your audience. If you love updating your page, try stacking your stories with however many you want or using a website to expand on things you want to talk about. I definitely slip up, struggling to even do a post a day. Those are the days I need to reset and get my creative juices flowing again and I don't beat myself up about it. Some ideas for content: videos (even boomerangs) because these have a higher chance of ending up on an explore page, being commented on, or shared, a throwback photo, a funny meme or image that pertains to you or your brand, a WIP (work in progress) of something you're working on, an update about available products or upcoming events or giveaways, A SELFIE (let people get to know who's behind everything), customer photos, or simply a photo with a prompt in the caption to engage with your audience.

5. COMMUNITY. We've talked a lot about you and your audience, but what's often overlooked is your community. It sounds like the same thing and it can overlap, but I want to get more specific. You, by just being human, are already a part of a community, often many. What field do you work in? What field do you want to work in? REACH OUT AND BUILD CONNECTIONS. For the love of goddex, don't go in thinking you can take advantage of anyone. That's a good way to ruin basically everything you've been working on. It's so easy to find people and businesses like you online. In fact, when you follow a page, it serves up recommendations for other pages like a silver platter. Do you look up to a certain person or brand? Listen to them and support them. You will hear them talking about their favorite companies. They will talk about their own business too! GO OUT AND INTERACT AND/OR BUY FROM THEM. Even if it's something you'll never post about (but especially as an influencer, I'd recommend it), it's good to be hip to what trending. If you do post and it's good content, chances are, they will interact back or even repost you! That's cross promotion and mutually beneficial. There is room for EVERYONE (excluding assholes of course) in art and social media. If you support your community and are genuine about it, you will get that same support back in tenfold.

6. Comparison will kill you. This is a rough one. Everyone and every brand is on display on social media. While you can learn by looking at others, modeling yourself after them, recreating their image, or putting yourself down because of their perceived success or your lack thereof will ruin you and the whole experience. We do interact and see other pages, but when stuff really started thriving for us was when we threw ourselves into the world we created. You're going to come up with things no one has ever seen, feel motivated to share it all because you did it for you, and really hone in on your goals and concept. It's important for you to know that we all struggle no matter the following count, sales, or image we have. You will find what you are good at, you will fail and succeed and do that forever, but you will, at your core, know that you are doing you to the best of your ability. Take pride in that.

I think I covered most of what I wanted to convey. Do you have more questions or suggestions? Let me know in the comments or on social media. Happy growing!

We get tons of messages about things to do in Los Angeles so we compiled this comprehensive list of some of our favorites. We really love our city and all the whimsical, wholesome, and off-beat attractions it boasts. Let us know in the comments if we missed any of your must-sees!

AMOEBA MUSIC 6400 Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90028

This is the ULTIMATE music shopping experience. It's expansive, with two levels, an awesome movie and music poster selection, a photo booth (our personal favorite), and live music. I love taking my kids here, seeing what music peaks their interest, and sharing memories of my favorite bands. We suggest following them on social media at https://www.instagram.com/amoebahollywood/ to stay on top of all their events.

BOB BAKER MARIONETTE THEATER 4949 York Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90042

An absolute staple in Los Angeles, this theater boasts one of the most magical experiences you could bring your kids to. Aside from the amazing puppet shows, we especially love the 60's time-warp feel we get from it and of course, the ice cream after the performances. They've recently moved to Highland Park and you can check them out here: https://www.instagram.com/bobbakermarionettes

THE RENAISSANCE PLEASURE FAIRE 15501 Arrow Hwy, Baldwin Park, CA 91706

Okay, I KNOW it's only once a year from April-May, but this event has been our Easter tradition since forever. For adults, the mead is a must-try and for kids, you don't want to miss the joust that happens at the end of the day. There's a zillion fun vendors, jester and comedy acts, and even a treasure hunt happening during the day. Also who doesn't love to dress up? Check it out here: https://www.instagram.com/renaissancepleasurefaire/

THE LAST BOOKSTORE 453 S Spring St, Los Angeles, CA 90013

This is where I take all of our out of town guests for obvious reasons. It's massive, located in a former bank and includes a book maze, books organized by color to create a photo-worthy rainbow, whimsical book sculptures, and it's independently owned so even more reason to go! You can find them at: https://www.instagram.com/lastbookstorela/

FIRST ORIGINAL MCDONALD'S MUSEUM 1398 N E St, San Bernardino, CA 92405

In all my time living in LA, I had never heard of this place until this year when my Australian friend suggested it. I'm so glad she did because this is the quirkiest, most fascinating attraction we've been to in awhile. Not actually funded by the restaurant itself, this is a private collection of all things McDonald's. If you want a walk down memory lane, you've found it. An unexpected bonus was seeing The Mystery Machine parked outside. Follow them here: https://www.facebook.com/FirstOriginalMcdonaldsMuseum/

THE GENTLE BARN 15825 Sierra Hwy, Santa Clarita, CA 91390

Okay, I realized this is a poorly timed follow up to the last one on our list, but WE LOVE THIS PLACE. Another LA-area institution, The Gentle Barn is humbling and full of love. Naomi just visited in the spring and couldn't stop talking about all the horse kisses they got. You can even sign up to sponsor an animal! Learn more at: https://www.instagram.com/thegentlebarn

VENICE BEACH BOARDWALK 1800 Ocean Front Walk, Venice, CA 90291

We have countless memories at Venice Beach, one of which is renting bikes to ride along the ocean path to the Santa Monica Pier. This beach is unlike any other beach in the LA area which is why you will recognize it from iconic movies like "Romy & Michele's High School Reunion". It's artsy with amazing wall murals and graffiti everywhere you look, a skate park, the forever gawkable Muscle Beach, and all the summertime treats you could dream of. You can see more photos here: https://www.instagram.com/explore/locations/854177742/venice-beach-boardwalk/

LA FASHION DISTRICT 920 Maple Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90015

 

Since it's an entire district, we listed the address of Michael Levine's because there are two parking structures nearby. This is somewhere you absolutely need to visit if you are a fashion lover or DIYer with more fabric and accessory shops than you can count. We recommend checking out Santee Alley for shopping and elotes (street corn) and our favorite store Foxblood at 840 Santee St. Unit 102 for all your goth babe needs and it's conveniently located next to the alt-shoe staples YRU and STRANGE CVLT. Find out more here:https://www.instagram.com/lafashiondistrict/

FLUTTER 217 S South La Brea Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90036

This was a completely unique museum experience. While it's very instagrammable, we were particularly struck by the passion of the staff and depth of each installation. Every room is done by a different artist expressing a beautiful message and entering them is like exploring whole new worlds. You can learn more about Flutter here: https://www.instagram.com/flutterexperience/

SOAP PLANT / WACKO 4633 Hollywood Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90027

How do I even go about describing this store? Quirky doesn't quite suffice. It's a massive gift store, boutique, and gallery that my kids INSTANTLY fell in love with. From ray guns to animal masks to books about butts, you'll find everything you never knew you needed. If you are a Francesca Lia Block reader, you'll definitely get Weetzie Bat vibes from this. Follow them here: https://www.instagram.com/soapplantwacko/

GRIFFITH OBSERVATORY 2800 E Observatory Rd, Los Angeles, CA 90027

Alright nerds, sight-seers, and nerdy sight-seers. This landmark is for you. Nestled in the hills and providing our personal favorite view of the Hollywood sign, you can picnic on the beautiful lawn and wait for sunset to look over the city, instantly remembering why Los Angeles is so magical when the buildings light up like fireflies. Inside the observatory, we always beeline to the Tesla Coil which makes a sound like you're going to see a newly animated Frankenstein's monster pop out at any moment. There's also a portion to see how much you'd weigh on different planets' atmospheres which is a total crowd pleaser. Check out their Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/griffithobservatory/ 

FARMER'S MARKET AT THE GROVE 6333 W 3rd St, Los Angeles, CA 90036

Another extremely nostalgic spot for us is The Farmer's Market. With all the ritz and glitz of The Grove, it's a nice change of pace to visit this part. It's like Noah's Ark of food, with dishes from every corner of the world. The seating area is especially cute with it's mint green steel chairs, tables, and open air atmosphere. Don't forget to stop by the various gift shops like one exclusively stocked with rare and weird hot sauces! See more at: https://www.instagram.com/farmersmarketla/

ECHO PARK LAKE SWANS 751 Echo Park Ave, Los Angeles, CA 90026

First of all, we love Echo Park. We're here constantly to shop, visit friends, and play at the lake. You can rent paddle boat swans at Wheel Fun Rentals surprisingly inexpensively. We're suckers for kitsch and this has to be one of our favorite ways to spend a lazy day outside. Check out photos here: https://www.instagram.com/explore/locations/252412737/echo-park-lake/

DRAG QUEEN STORY HOUR Various bookstores & libraries

We are so in love with this non-profit and could not recommend their events enough. Drag performers read uplifting and progressive books that explore gender, identity, feminism, and more to kids of all-ages that even parents can enjoy. Their message of love and inclusion will stay with your kids forever. Follow their Facebook to stay on top of readings in your area: https://www.facebook.com/dragqueenstoryhour/?ref=br_rs

GALCO'S SODA POP STOP 5702 York Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90042

I first visited Galco’s when I moved to Highland Park forever ago and it wasn't until yesterday did I visit again with my kids because Naomi saw that it’s a favorite of Billie Eilish's. It definitely has that old school charm with hard to find sodas and candy from your childhood. A little something for kids and adults alike. Follow them here: https://www.instagram.com/galcossoda/

CHINESE NEW YEAR FESTIVAL & PARADE Chinatown, LA

Only once a year, but totally worth mentioning is Chinese New Year in Chinatown. There's confetti cannons, snap pops, and a generally joyous and kid-friendly time learning about different cultures. Lots of local food to try while you're there too! Find out more here: https://www.instagram.com/lachinatown

TAKE A DAY TRIP

Recommendations for when you want to get out of LA 

SALVATION MOUNTAIN Beal Rd, Calipatria, CA 92233

We've made more trips than I can count here because nothing quite matches it's beauty and inspiring views. Pure passion motivates the volunteers working to maintain this massive man-made mountain so tread carefully on the art and respect the signs. You can also donate paint when you make the trek which is always appreciated. Learn more at: https://www.instagram.com/salvationmountainofficial

MADONNA INN 100 Madonna Rd, San Luis Obispo, CA 93405

Easily one of our favorite places on EARTH! It's an inn that was created in 1958 and maintains that retro-kitsch aesthetic. Each room is a different color explosive theme and the restaurant is something you have to see to believe. A true fairytale land. You can sight-see without booking a room, but if you do have a specific room in mind, make sure you book waaay in advance because availability can be tricky. Feast your eyes at: https://www.instagram.com/madonnainn1958

ALIEN FRESH JERKY 72242 Baker Blvd, Baker, CA 92309

You can't storm Area 51 without visiting this landmark first! Flying saucers, alien sculptures, and alien-themed gifts galore, this place is out of this world. Rumor has it they're opening a motel soon too! See more here: https://www.instagram.com/alienfreshjerky/

If you follow Tiny Bangs on Instagram, you might have caught Naomi's coming out as non-binary. Not only is this a big step for them, it might also be confusing for some of our audience so they agreed to sit down and answer questions from you. This is how it went.

What is non-binary?

Non-binary or genderqueer means that you don't don't identify as a binary gender like boy or girl. Gender is weird and I think it's kind of made up so people can fit you into one box or another, but there's so many more options than that. It's boring.

What are your pronouns?

My pronouns are they/them. I've heard people go by Ze too, but I think it's easier for people to learn they. It feels right to me.

Aren't you a little young to decide your identity?

NO! You can never be too young to decide who you are. For me, I've always felt this way and it took a lot of soul searching and finding the right words to describe it to others. I hate when people don't respect kids. They're people too.

How did you know what non-binary meant? Is there anything about how you were raised that helped your self discovery?

It's something that I've been dealing with for awhile. It was hard trying to wrap my head around it and accept it. My family is very loving and open-minded and we have lots of friends who are gay, trans, and everything else so gender has been brought up and discussed, but not like, forced if that makes sense? Growing up like that made me feel more comfortable telling my mom. I told her I didn't feel like a girl or boy and she asked me if I might be non-binary. I watched some YouTube videos and it clicked for me. I also really love this singer named Dorian Electra because I watched a makeup video they did and I really related to how they were kind of girly, kind of manly, and just overall cool and confident. I felt like I was looking at myself.

Would you be bothered if someone called you she/her?

It would hurt my feelings. It's like if you told me who you are and how much it meant to you and I disrespected that. It's not nice and it makes me feel not safe or listened to.

How has your family responded? Is your sister Anni adjusting?

I don't know why, but I was kind of scared to tell them even though I knew they wouldn't be mad. I told my mom first and she hugged me. My dad is more quiet, but he told me he just wants me to be who I am. Anni still calls me sister but she's getting better at just calling me her sibling. I don't get too frustrated though. I love her.

How have your friends and peers reacted?

It's still pretty new. I told my mom to tell people on Tiny Bangs first because they seem really nice. Everyone was supportive which helped my confidence. I'm out of school for summer so my classmates don't know yet. I think my friends love me and will understand. I'm worried about teachers and people who don't know me well.

What would you do if someone doesn't like who you are?

I'll tell them to fuck off.

Do you think you'll change your appearance? What about your name?

I still look like a girl I guess to everyone else and I like wearing makeup and skirts, but I've also always liked to look tough like wearing flames and spikes. I don't think that will change much. I do want to shave the side of my head and maybe dye the shaved part black. Maybe get second ear piercings on each ear. Those are things I was planning on anyway. I like the name Naomi. My mom said the inspiration behind my name was this really cool, strong supermodel and I think that's perfect. I don't know very many other Naomis so I guess I don't see it as a girl name. I don't think anything you do as a non-binary person makes you more or less non-binary. It's different for everyone.

Do you feel more like a girl or a boy or neither?

I learned about being gender fluid recently which is similar to non-binary except somedays you feel like a girl and somedays like a boy, it just depends. I don't identify with either, but I like things people say are only for boys or girls. It doesn't really matter because I think I should be able to like whatever I like. It doesn't change the fact that deep inside, I'm neither.

How did it feel to come out?

Like a big weight off my shoulders. It caused me a lot of anxiety, I'd stay up really late some nights, and bite my nails. I feel more relaxed. I feel like laughing a lot because I feel so light. I wish I would've said something earlier.

It's less than two weeks away from my 30th birthday (hi, fellow Aquarians, I see you) and being the ever-wordy lady that I am, I'm going to make a blog post. I'll warn you now that it's going to get personal and perhaps even TMI for some of y'all, but to those of you who it touches, who it relates to, I want you to know I'm right here with you. Those feelings and those experiences were tough. You're valid as fuck.

I'll start with talking about my childhood (bill me later for the therapy session). My parents were first-generation college graduates and they set up nice middle-income, suburban life for my older brother and I in the midwest. One thing I can't gloss over was the struggle that was growing up with a mother with physical and mental obstacles. I'm a firm believer that most parents truly do do the best they can with what they have. My mother was no exception. She instilled a thirst for knowledge in me, didn't bat an eye at my rebellious fashion, and took me on solo trips to the ballet and art museums that made me feel so special. She was also completely unpredictable and would swing from dream mother to a violent, scary shadow of the woman I loved and admired so much. The effects of which still follow me around to this day as I actively try to forge a different, more self-aware path as a parent. I can't even articulate how awe-inspiring everyone out there who is vulnerable and brave enough to break the cycle of abuse is. It's no joke.

As depression and a then-undiagnosed learning disorder (ADHD) started to take the wheel of my life, I could feel my childhood slipping away. At age 13, shortly after returning home from my best friend's house that was so filled with love between her and her own mom, I had decided to end my life. A massive bottle of pills later, a sense of panic set in and I staggered to my dad's home office to tell him what I did. He swooped me up and took me to the ER where I was restrained and my stomach was pumped. I was later transferred to a children's hospital, psychiatric care, to a group home, detention center, and so forth as trouble mounted in my young existence and eventually, I had ended up spending almost all my teenage years in the juvenile system, aging out, and becoming homeless. Let's pause for a moment for a deep breath. You'd think the worst was over, but you'd be wrong. That year I spent homeless was easily the biggest, longest nightmare I've ever experienced. I became keenly aware of how dangerous it is to be a girl in the world especially one without anyone to advocate for her and lift her up. Sexual assault being a big part of it. The light at the end of the tunnel was a chance at temporary housing and community college. I finally had a reason to keep going.

At the end of 19, I discovered that I was pregnant. I felt so deeply in my heart that my daughter could bring joy to someone, even if it wasn't me. I had met with an adoption service shortly afterward. Just a few months before my due date, I was in a department store and saw the most horrendous sundress in the clearance rack. I mean TERRIBLE. I have a real knack for anthropomorphizing and immediately saw the dress as myself. Discarded, weirdly fanciful and there waiting for it's moment. I bought it and bought into the idea of motherhood as my second chance. Naomi is almost 10 years old now and there's not a day I regret that purchase. 

When I was 21, I had the same discovery. A positive pregnancy test. I was single, in school, and working so I had to make the right call for myself and Naomi. That choice was an early termination. I'm not going to tell you it was easy or that it was brutal either, because in all honesty, it was neither. It was a bizarre experience, but it was handled with such grace by the wonderful individuals at Planned Parenthood. They gave me my future back and I'm eternally grateful for that. I started dating my now-husband months later, we moved to Los Angeles (where I will forever call home) and two more children and a small business blossomed from there.

If you've read this far, thank you. If I dredged up some uncomfortable subjects for you, I'm not sorry. I'm sorry that you may have been through similar things, but I'm not sorry for talking about it. The demonization of things like mental illness, abuse, homelessness, and abortion is something I will fight against until the day I'm taken to the rainbow bridge in the sky. I'm 29, almost 30, and I've been served a new plate full of obstacles like living with Crohn's Disease, harassment online, and navigating motherhood WITH business (which was so optimistically stupid, but very worth it). I feel powerful even when I can't control everything. I'm confident as an imperfect parent, artist, wife, and friend. I don't LOVE that I have no idea what 30 will hold, but I'm ready for it. To you, my friends, I will end on this note: you may not have ticked off every goal yourself or society has set for you, but that is NO measure of true success. We all try and fail, rinse and repeat for the duration of our lives. Whatever makes you feel fulfilled, that spark of happiness, you take it and you run with it as far as you can. Don't let the bastards grind you down.

2018 was the year that felt like a decade and a flash in the pan at the same time. At the beginning of it, we were fresh from a failed Kickstarter campaign to fund our first manufactured line and at the brink of giving up. Spoiler alert (but not really): we resolved to keep pushing forward. It's funny to think that now, with 2019 staring us down, that we are back at a similar crossroads. If you are a small business owner or really just ANYONE trying to get by, you know this is a never-ending occurence. Whether it's a fleeting feeling or an annoying, lingering ghost haunting you, we all know how failure and uncertainty feels. I'm not the inspirational quote type, but my close friend posted this one and it really resonated with me: 

"One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision. Let doubt prevail."

-Bertrand Russel

So here I am, back on my bullshit, being vulnerable, full of uncertainty and a undying love for what we do at Tiny Bangs, dissecting this past year. Let's begin at the top: getting over myself and my perceived failure. Did you know that Kickstarter never deletes campaigns that are unsuccessful? That's a thing. Mine will always be up there with the words FUNDING UNSUCCESSFUL blaring next to the video and all the hard work we put into it. It broke me at first, but dang, it does make our story better, right? That "failure" made me realize how dedicated not only I am to this brand, but my daughters too. They quite literally would kill me if I quit on it, on them, on myself. This is who we are with or without the praise, funding, or whatever else.

We dove into what we do best which is designing, upcycling, making clothing from scratch, and collaborating with our amazing creative community. Being out in the real world was a huge part of 2018 for us too. As I'm sure you are aware (since you are reading this on the internet at this very moment), the online world is a MESS. You can try to imagine how cruel people are to us about the way we look or even my parenting style, but you wouldn't even scratch the surface. There were numerous death threats, doxxings, even plots to protest our fashion show this year. Why? Well, I don't want to know. We are visible allies in the LGBTQ community among other things and I refuse to let these things silence us however jarring they might be. Being able to take Tiny Bangs out into real life was incredibly important and reassuring for us. We guest-judged a hair competition with Manic Panic, vended at our local fave: Bob Baker Marionette Theater, had a booth at RuPaul's DragCon, spoke on a panel about parenthood and artistry at Pasadena Museum of California Art, came back to have a table at Drag Queen Story Hour, hand-painted and decorated an interactive bedroom pop-up at Laser Kitten, had a lovely event with other boss babes in Long Beach, and ended the year at DesignerCon feeling so optimistic and supported among all the creatives and fans of what we do. THE INTERNET IS NOT THE REAL WORLD. Both can be great and both can be shitty, but they are definitely not the same and this year really drove that point home for me.

I could write a million more pages about this year with all it's amazing opportunities and obstacles it threw our way, but I don't want to. What I will leave you with is this: the future of Tiny Bangs in 2019. If you've kept up with the blog at all, you know that I was recently diagnosed with a chronic condition. I am managing. Managing is such a relative term yet it's the best I can come up with. It was a beautifully wrapped pile of poo to be gifted and luckily I LOVE John Waters. It forced me to re-examine my life and my business. We had only been doing made to order and wholesale pieces for a few months at this point. It was great and well-received, but something about it didn't feel right. They were still "us" (they had to be, we designed and selected it all), yet the amount of output they took wasn't sustainable on the budget and workforce we were working with. We made it so far since the campaign but not far enough. That's a hard pill to swallow. There I was, just a few weeks ago, with 2019 looming as new years always do and I needed to make a decision. We are pushing through again. We are stocking the site with more amazing pieces, but more vintage, more lovingly customized clothing, accessories, and anything else we are inspired to do (yes, that zine is still in works, I promise). We are also going to be working with more non-profits, causes, and like-minded businesses because we feel nothing but the utmost respect for the responsibility we bear having the platform that we do. We want to say thank you from the bottom of our hearts for contributing to our dreams whether it be just following our antics, referring friends, or shopping our site. We do this because it's who we are, but also because of who YOU are. See you in 2019!

In this video, we are covering frequently asked questions about our hair. What hair color brand do we use? Do I do it myself? Do we lighten the kids' hair? What does color look like on lightened hair vs natural? Find it all out by watching this video. Special thank you to Roger Lopez, Michael Robles, Manic Panic, and The Tissues for making this cute video happen. Check them all out in the links below!

https://www.instagram.com/rogerdidit/

https://www.instagram.com/snaplord/

https://manicpanic.com/

https://thetissues.bandcamp.com/

Back in September, I wasn't feeling like myself. I was having a hard time keeping food down, it hurt when it came out, I was so tired, and was dropping weight at an alarming rate. It took me awhile to admit something was wrong because I didn't want to slow down. I'm a full-time mom of 3 kids, run a clothing brand, and have an active social life. It got so unbearable, I finally went to the hospital and that's when they admitted me for awhile. After some tests, they knew what it was. Crohn's Disease. It's chronic and I'd have it my whole life. Hospital stays could become normal. Surgery is a possibility. The inside of my intestines are covered in reoccurring cysts caused by my own immune system. I was/am devastated.

Devastated is a heavy word, right? Chronic illness is a heavy topic and even a taboo one. Almost half the population has at least one chronic condition. ALMOST HALF. Sounds like something worth talking about. I have two that I've been diagnosed with: most recently the Crohn's and for many years, I've dealt with Depression/Anxiety. I'm not here to give you medical advice. I'm here to tell you that if you have a chronic illness, you are normal. I also want to tell you about some positive ways I've made it work (most days anyway).

Actual photo from my colonoscopy. It's name is Colon Farrell and already dating Britkidney Spears.

This is the part where I say, "Suck it up, chump.". Just kidding, do you even know how much I cry? I could cure meat with the amount of salt my tears produce on the regular. And you know what? IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. Not cured meats, but crying. You pop a Tori Amos YouTube playlist on (the Steven Universe Soundtrack has also been a favorite), draw a bath, and sing-cry the words. If you have kids, please know that you don't have to hide those tears from them. It sparks an important conversation about feelings, emotions, and health. It's okay to not be okay. It teaches them to process that sadness and that "strong" doesn't always mean stoic. Strong means being brave enough to be vulnerable which also means listening to your body and knowing when it's time for self-care.

I think the biggest answer to "What now?" was always in front of me though. All the things I enjoy most: creating with my loved ones, art, fashion, and even making truly groan-worthy puns are outlets and motivation on days when getting out of bed seems impossible. With chronic illness, getting out of bed may very well be impossible. It's seeking out those little bits of joy whenever you are able to that are going to make it easier. I've noticed a lot of other artists in my community battle with similar issues and it made me feel so much more comfortable opening up about my own struggles. Art as an escape works. Art as a weapon to wield against all the terrible shit thrown at you. Art as a journal, a friend, an encouragement. Not to bring it back to parenthood again, but being a visible, struggling human who strives for betterment by turning that frustration and helplessness into something beautiful has to be the best gift you can give your kids. If everything goes right, they will grow up empathetic to others and kind to themselves. Isn't that exactly what the world needs more of?

It's been a little quiet on the blog lately so we went to Instagram and Facebook to ask the Tiny Bangs community what questions they'd like the girls and I to answer. Here are a few of our favorites!

Q: Before Tiny Bangs, what were some of the ways the girls used their creativity? 

Kirsten: Creative expression has always been a huge priority (both their dad and I are former art students) so our house looks like a craft store blew up inside of a thrift store. They love fashion and we do a lot of thrifting and clothing repurposing. One of my favorite projects was a vest Anni customized by embriodering a yarn back patch. 

Naomi: I LOVE MUSIC LESSONS! I was taking piano and voice lessons with my teacher Claire before Tiny Bangs, then violin and cello at school, now I'm excited to see Claire again soon. I love needle felting because I love stabbing (laughs maniacally). I even made hot dog earrings for the shop once! Oh and dancing! I put k-pop music videos on and learn the moves so I can show them off at school.

Anni: Before Tiny Bangs? I liked dressing up like cool characters and taking pictures. I was a vampire once. It was super scary. Naomi and me like to take all the fabric scraps from sewing projects and make doll clothes. I'm BUSY ALL THE TIME drawing portraits for all my friends at school. Just when I think I'm done, more kids want one.

Q: If the girls could live in any fictional world from a book, TV show, movies, etc. which would it be and why?

Anni: BARBIE! I've always wanted a pink mansion and cupcakes would appear whenever I want. Lots of sisters too. I love having a sister.

Naomi: Pokemon, duh. There's so many amazing animals and everyone has crazy, colorful hair and clothing there. It would be like heaven.

Q: What're y'all's favorite Halloween movies?

Kirsten: Does Lost Boys count? I love the shirtless saxophonist the best. Edward Scissorhands and Donnie Darko if I'm feeling emo. Addams Family Values is basically a documentary about us.

Anni: Coraline (mostly because it scares my sister), Double Double Toil & Trouble, and GHOSTBUSTERS.

Naomi: Okay, Little Monsters is #1. I just watched Gillymuck on Huluween and lost my mind. I love The Craft, but I cover my eyes during at least a quarter of it.

Q: What pieces were the girls' favorite?

Anni: I love all the Fairy Snot pieces. The fabric glitters in the sun, so obsessed. I really liked wearing the all-pink mansion look because I felt like a cartoon princess.

Naomi: PVC anything! I've never seen anything like it for kids before. You guys should convince my mom to sell more PVC things, haha. I think it's sooo cool! 

Q: How do you reply to people when they say nasty comments about the girls' hair? How do you deal with people who have a problem with them wearing crop tops?

Kirsten: My knee-jerk reaction is to say something really biting because I do feel protective, but now that we have more eyes on us and people look to us for guidance, I don't want to set a negative example. I just try to explain that their hair and their clothing is their choice. They like any other living, breathing human have the right to present themselves however they want. My kids are safe and happy and that's all that matters. 

Anni: I sneer at them like this (makes an annoyed face).

Naomi: If an adult says something like that I'm going to get cancer for dying my hair or something else that's OBVIOUSLY wrong, I'll correct them. I think a lot of parents or adults or whatever don't want kids looking like me because they aren't used to it, but I'm normal. I like looking like this. Other kids should be able to look like this if they want to.