It's less than two weeks away from my 30th birthday (hi, fellow Aquarians, I see you) and being the ever-wordy lady that I am, I'm going to make a blog post. I'll warn you now that it's going to get personal and perhaps even TMI for some of y'all, but to those of you who it touches, who it relates to, I want you to know I'm right here with you. Those feelings and those experiences were tough. You're valid as fuck.

I'll start with talking about my childhood (bill me later for the therapy session). My parents were first-generation college graduates and they set up nice middle-income, suburban life for my older brother and I in the midwest. One thing I can't gloss over was the struggle that was growing up with a mother with physical and mental obstacles. I'm a firm believer that most parents truly do do the best they can with what they have. My mother was no exception. She instilled a thirst for knowledge in me, didn't bat an eye at my rebellious fashion, and took me on solo trips to the ballet and art museums that made me feel so special. She was also completely unpredictable and would swing from dream mother to a violent, scary shadow of the woman I loved and admired so much. The effects of which still follow me around to this day as I actively try to forge a different, more self-aware path as a parent. I can't even articulate how awe-inspiring everyone out there who is vulnerable and brave enough to break the cycle of abuse is. It's no joke.

As depression and a then-undiagnosed learning disorder (ADHD) started to take the wheel of my life, I could feel my childhood slipping away. At age 13, shortly after returning home from my best friend's house that was so filled with love between her and her own mom, I had decided to end my life. A massive bottle of pills later, a sense of panic set in and I staggered to my dad's home office to tell him what I did. He swooped me up and took me to the ER where I was restrained and my stomach was pumped. I was later transferred to a children's hospital, psychiatric care, to a group home, detention center, and so forth as trouble mounted in my young existence and eventually, I had ended up spending almost all my teenage years in the juvenile system, aging out, and becoming homeless. Let's pause for a moment for a deep breath. You'd think the worst was over, but you'd be wrong. That year I spent homeless was easily the biggest, longest nightmare I've ever experienced. I became keenly aware of how dangerous it is to be a girl in the world especially one without anyone to advocate for her and lift her up. Sexual assault being a big part of it. The light at the end of the tunnel was a chance at temporary housing and community college. I finally had a reason to keep going.

At the end of 19, I discovered that I was pregnant. I felt so deeply in my heart that my daughter could bring joy to someone, even if it wasn't me. I had met with an adoption service shortly afterward. Just a few months before my due date, I was in a department store and saw the most horrendous sundress in the clearance rack. I mean TERRIBLE. I have a real knack for anthropomorphizing and immediately saw the dress as myself. Discarded, weirdly fanciful and there waiting for it's moment. I bought it and bought into the idea of motherhood as my second chance. Naomi is almost 10 years old now and there's not a day I regret that purchase. 

When I was 21, I had the same discovery. A positive pregnancy test. I was single, in school, and working so I had to make the right call for myself and Naomi. That choice was an early termination. I'm not going to tell you it was easy or that it was brutal either, because in all honesty, it was neither. It was a bizarre experience, but it was handled with such grace by the wonderful individuals at Planned Parenthood. They gave me my future back and I'm eternally grateful for that. I started dating my now-husband months later, we moved to Los Angeles (where I will forever call home) and two more children and a small business blossomed from there.

If you've read this far, thank you. If I dredged up some uncomfortable subjects for you, I'm not sorry. I'm sorry that you may have been through similar things, but I'm not sorry for talking about it. The demonization of things like mental illness, abuse, homelessness, and abortion is something I will fight against until the day I'm taken to the rainbow bridge in the sky. I'm 29, almost 30, and I've been served a new plate full of obstacles like living with Crohn's Disease, harassment online, and navigating motherhood WITH business (which was so optimistically stupid, but very worth it). I feel powerful even when I can't control everything. I'm confident as an imperfect parent, artist, wife, and friend. I don't LOVE that I have no idea what 30 will hold, but I'm ready for it. To you, my friends, I will end on this note: you may not have ticked off every goal yourself or society has set for you, but that is NO measure of true success. We all try and fail, rinse and repeat for the duration of our lives. Whatever makes you feel fulfilled, that spark of happiness, you take it and you run with it as far as you can. Don't let the bastards grind you down.

2018 was the year that felt like a decade and a flash in the pan at the same time. At the beginning of it, we were fresh from a failed Kickstarter campaign to fund our first manufactured line and at the brink of giving up. Spoiler alert (but not really): we resolved to keep pushing forward. It's funny to think that now, with 2019 staring us down, that we are back at a similar crossroads. If you are a small business owner or really just ANYONE trying to get by, you know this is a never-ending occurence. Whether it's a fleeting feeling or an annoying, lingering ghost haunting you, we all know how failure and uncertainty feels. I'm not the inspirational quote type, but my close friend posted this one and it really resonated with me: 

"One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision. Let doubt prevail."

-Bertrand Russel

So here I am, back on my bullshit, being vulnerable, full of uncertainty and a undying love for what we do at Tiny Bangs, dissecting this past year. Let's begin at the top: getting over myself and my perceived failure. Did you know that Kickstarter never deletes campaigns that are unsuccessful? That's a thing. Mine will always be up there with the words FUNDING UNSUCCESSFUL blaring next to the video and all the hard work we put into it. It broke me at first, but dang, it does make our story better, right? That "failure" made me realize how dedicated not only I am to this brand, but my daughters too. They quite literally would kill me if I quit on it, on them, on myself. This is who we are with or without the praise, funding, or whatever else.

We dove into what we do best which is designing, upcycling, making clothing from scratch, and collaborating with our amazing creative community. Being out in the real world was a huge part of 2018 for us too. As I'm sure you are aware (since you are reading this on the internet at this very moment), the online world is a MESS. You can try to imagine how cruel people are to us about the way we look or even my parenting style, but you wouldn't even scratch the surface. There were numerous death threats, doxxings, even plots to protest our fashion show this year. Why? Well, I don't want to know. We are visible allies in the LGBTQ community among other things and I refuse to let these things silence us however jarring they might be. Being able to take Tiny Bangs out into real life was incredibly important and reassuring for us. We guest-judged a hair competition with Manic Panic, vended at our local fave: Bob Baker Marionette Theater, had a booth at RuPaul's DragCon, spoke on a panel about parenthood and artistry at Pasadena Museum of California Art, came back to have a table at Drag Queen Story Hour, hand-painted and decorated an interactive bedroom pop-up at Laser Kitten, had a lovely event with other boss babes in Long Beach, and ended the year at DesignerCon feeling so optimistic and supported among all the creatives and fans of what we do. THE INTERNET IS NOT THE REAL WORLD. Both can be great and both can be shitty, but they are definitely not the same and this year really drove that point home for me.

I could write a million more pages about this year with all it's amazing opportunities and obstacles it threw our way, but I don't want to. What I will leave you with is this: the future of Tiny Bangs in 2019. If you've kept up with the blog at all, you know that I was recently diagnosed with a chronic condition. I am managing. Managing is such a relative term yet it's the best I can come up with. It was a beautifully wrapped pile of poo to be gifted and luckily I LOVE John Waters. It forced me to re-examine my life and my business. We had only been doing made to order and wholesale pieces for a few months at this point. It was great and well-received, but something about it didn't feel right. They were still "us" (they had to be, we designed and selected it all), yet the amount of output they took wasn't sustainable on the budget and workforce we were working with. We made it so far since the campaign but not far enough. That's a hard pill to swallow. There I was, just a few weeks ago, with 2019 looming as new years always do and I needed to make a decision. We are pushing through again. We are stocking the site with more amazing pieces, but more vintage, more lovingly customized clothing, accessories, and anything else we are inspired to do (yes, that zine is still in works, I promise). We are also going to be working with more non-profits, causes, and like-minded businesses because we feel nothing but the utmost respect for the responsibility we bear having the platform that we do. We want to say thank you from the bottom of our hearts for contributing to our dreams whether it be just following our antics, referring friends, or shopping our site. We do this because it's who we are, but also because of who YOU are. See you in 2019!

In this video, we are covering frequently asked questions about our hair. What hair color brand do we use? Do I do it myself? Do we lighten the kids' hair? What does color look like on lightened hair vs natural? Find it all out by watching this video. Special thank you to Roger Lopez, Michael Robles, Manic Panic, and The Tissues for making this cute video happen. Check them all out in the links below!

https://www.instagram.com/rogerdidit/

https://www.instagram.com/snaplord/

https://manicpanic.com/

https://thetissues.bandcamp.com/

Back in September, I wasn't feeling like myself. I was having a hard time keeping food down, it hurt when it came out, I was so tired, and was dropping weight at an alarming rate. It took me awhile to admit something was wrong because I didn't want to slow down. I'm a full-time mom of 3 kids, run a clothing brand, and have an active social life. It got so unbearable, I finally went to the hospital and that's when they admitted me for awhile. After some tests, they knew what it was. Crohn's Disease. It's chronic and I'd have it my whole life. Hospital stays would become more normal. Surgery is almost inevitable. I was/am devastated.

Devastated is a heavy word, right? Chronic illness is a heavy topic and even a taboo one. Almost half the population has at least one chronic condition. ALMOST HALF. Sounds like something worth talking about. I have two that I've been diagnosed with: most recently the Crohn's and for many years, I've dealt with Depression/Anxiety. I'm not here to give you medical advice. I'm here to tell you that if you have a chronic illness, you are normal. I also want to tell you about some positive ways I've made it work (most days anyway).

Actual photo from my colonoscopy. It's name is Colon Farrell and already dating Britney Spears.

This is the part where I say, "Suck it up, chump.". Just kidding, do you even know how much I cry? I could cure meat with the amount of salt my tears produce on the regular. And you know what? IT'S GOOD FOR YOU. Not cured meats, but crying. You pop a Tori Amos YouTube playlist on (the Steven Universe Soundtrack has also been a favorite), draw a bath, and sing-cry the words. If you have kids, please know that you don't have to hide those tears from them. It sparks an important conversation about feelings, emotions, and health. It's okay to not be okay. It teaches them to process that sadness and that "strong" doesn't always mean stoic. Strong means being brave enough to be vulnerable which also means listening to your body and knowing when it's time for self-care.

I think the biggest answer to "What now?" was always in front of me though. All the things I enjoy most: creating with my loved ones, art, fashion, and even making truly groan-worthy puns are outlets and motivation on days when getting out of bed seems impossible. With chronic illness, getting out of bed may very well be impossible. It's seeking out those little bits of joy whenever you are able to that are going to make it easier. I've noticed a lot of other artists in my community battle with similar issues and it made me feel so much more comfortable opening up about my own struggles. Art as an escape works. Art as a weapon to wield against all the terrible shit thrown at you. Art as a journal, a friend, an encouragement. Not to bring it back to parenthood again, but being a visible, struggling human who strives for betterment by turning that frustration and helplessness into something beautiful has to be the best gift you can give your kids. If everything goes right, they will grow up empathetic to others and kind to themselves. Isn't that exactly what the world needs more of?

It's been a little quiet on the blog lately so we went to Instagram and Facebook to ask the Tiny Bangs community what questions they'd like the girls and I to answer. Here are a few of our favorites!

Q: Before Tiny Bangs, what were some of the ways the girls used their creativity? 

Kirsten: Creative expression has always been a huge priority (both their dad and I are former art students) so our house looks like a craft store blew up inside of a thrift store. They love fashion and we do a lot of thrifting and clothing repurposing. One of my favorite projects was a vest Anni customized by embriodering a yarn back patch. 

Naomi: I LOVE MUSIC LESSONS! I was taking piano and voice lessons with my teacher Claire before Tiny Bangs, then violin and cello at school, now I'm excited to see Claire again soon. I love needle felting because I love stabbing (laughs maniacally). I even made hot dog earrings for the shop once! Oh and dancing! I put k-pop music videos on and learn the moves so I can show them off at school.

Anni: Before Tiny Bangs? I liked dressing up like cool characters and taking pictures. I was a vampire once. It was super scary. Naomi and me like to take all the fabric scraps from sewing projects and make doll clothes. I'm BUSY ALL THE TIME drawing portraits for all my friends at school. Just when I think I'm done, more kids want one.

Q: If the girls could live in any fictional world from a book, TV show, movies, etc. which would it be and why?

Anni: BARBIE! I've always wanted a pink mansion and cupcakes would appear whenever I want. Lots of sisters too. I love having a sister.

Naomi: Pokemon, duh. There's so many amazing animals and everyone has crazy, colorful hair and clothing there. It would be like heaven.

Q: What're y'all's favorite Halloween movies?

Kirsten: Does Lost Boys count? I love the shirtless saxophonist the best. Edward Scissorhands and Donnie Darko if I'm feeling emo. Addams Family Values is basically a documentary about us.

Anni: Coraline (mostly because it scares my sister), Double Double Toil & Trouble, and GHOSTBUSTERS.

Naomi: Okay, Little Monsters is #1. I just watched Gillymuck on Huluween and lost my mind. I love The Craft, but I cover my eyes during at least a quarter of it.

Q: What pieces were the girls' favorite?

Anni: I love all the Fairy Snot pieces. The fabric glitters in the sun, so obsessed. I really liked wearing the all-pink mansion look because I felt like a cartoon princess.

Naomi: PVC anything! I've never seen anything like it for kids before. You guys should convince my mom to sell more PVC things, haha. I think it's sooo cool! 

Q: How do you reply to people when they say nasty comments about the girls' hair? How do you deal with people who have a problem with them wearing crop tops?

Kirsten: My knee-jerk reaction is to say something really biting because I do feel protective, but now that we have more eyes on us and people look to us for guidance, I don't want to set a negative example. I just try to explain that their hair and their clothing is their choice. They like any other living, breathing human have the right to present themselves however they want. My kids are safe and happy and that's all that matters. 

Anni: I sneer at them like this (makes an annoyed face).

Naomi: If an adult says something like that I'm going to get cancer for dying my hair or something else that's OBVIOUSLY wrong, I'll correct them. I think a lot of parents or adults or whatever don't want kids looking like me because they aren't used to it, but I'm normal. I like looking like this. Other kids should be able to look like this if they want to.

I have to preface this post with the fact that we are VERY DIY. Tiny Bangs is a mom/daughters team, but we're also just a trio of weird art kids. We get our hands dirty in every aspect of the company. For our most recent shoot, we decided to revisit one of our most favorite backdrops: a nostalgic bedroom. It quickly snowballed and suddenly, we were moving everything out of my own room and painting.

The first step was picking out paint. We ultimately agreed on a lurid yellow color. It physically made me cringe when I picked up the paint sample and let me tell you: that's a home-run in our books. Thankfully, both the girls are huge fans of painting bedrooms and Anni immediately stripped down and informed me of her absolutely genius hack: "You can't get paint on your clothes if you aren't wearing any!". After painting, we started pulling EVERY relevant poster, stuffed animal, and decoration from around the house and amassed a pile of epic porportions! Just a few hours later and we had the tweenage room of our dreams.

Our friend Nas Nixx (@nasnixx) came to shoot the girls modeling the new handmade/vintage collection in this room and Roger Lopez (@rogerdidit) helped the girls execute their makeup to perfection. Their hair color was done by me a few days prior using Manic Panic products. I hope you enjoy this photo set! You can join us later this month at the Daydream Party at Laser Kitten on Melrose to experience our new bedroom installation IRL. Just check the events section of our site for the full details.

I want to start off by saying I'm not an expert. I remember buying Crystal Light because when I was younger I would watch their commercials featuring adult women who really had their shit together. They were laughing and drinking it and I thought, "Wow, that's how it's done.". The same day, I picked up a few copies of generic parenting books from the library because it's not like I could purchase them after I blew all my money on fancy lady drink mixes. I quickly realized that A) I basically bought sugar packets for water and B) those books weren't meant for me. Maybe they were for me because in that moment I was so desperate and anxious to be good. A good adult, a good mother. Almost 10 years into being a mom and I am no less anxious and I've traded Crystal Light for coffee, but I at least have some experience to share since then. In this case, it's about raising an independent, self-aware child.

Is she drinking pee?

Once you've snapped out of the survival mode that is the new parent stage, you start thinking about their mental and emotional well-being which of course, includes the development of their individual identity. It sounds contradictory to both parent and teach autonomy. How do you encourage independence when they are still dependent on you? You have this gelatinous blob of a human slowly growing into themselves. As their caretaker, you make sure the blob doesn't get hurt, but they still need their own time to harden into the shape that they will be. I think the key is boundaries. You recognize them as their own sentinent being while also making sure their immediate safety isn't threatened. You're basically just trying to get them into adulthood in one piece and hopefully, just hopefully, they are prepared and confident.

Way before Tiny Bangs and way before we were ever recognized on the street, we used to live in the Koreatown neighborhood of Los Angeles. It was smack-dab between downtown and Hollywood and there was even a train stop down the street. It was PERFECT. We rode the train a lot and I started noticing how adults were with my children. There is almost this unspoken understanding that kids are communal. Not in the cute "it takes a village to raise a child" kind of way, but in a public property kind of way. People would pat them on the head, hug, grab their cheeks, and sometimes even try to kiss them.

As a woman, I'm borderline numb to this entitled behaviour, but it wasn't until I was a parent did I realize that children also go through this. It wasn't exclusive to strangers either, family and friends would unintentionally demand the kids' attention, time, physical affection, and even try to dictate what they could wear or say. I started to think about the impact it has on them and even the impact it had on me when I was younger. I was essentially taught that what I wanted or who I was didn't matter. It only mattered what everyone else wanted from me and I wasn't allowed to say no to them. Consent is very much entwined in this conversation. I hate to break it to you, but by taking away your kids' agency you're putting them on a very scary path. Advocate for them and better yet, teach them how to advocate for themselves.

I had mentioned in my first blog post that my daughter was pulled out of school when she was being bullied. It's important to note that I had asked her permission to write about that because again, autonomy (I'm not messing around). What had happened was that kids would pick on her for the crazy colors of hair she chose or the hobbies they deemed too strange for a girl, even the staff would join in on the ridicule. After spending the time she was homeschooled reassuring her that she's a boss, I was still scared when she started her new school. Weeks passed and I got a call from the counselor's office. The guidance counselor told me there was a physical altercation. Boys had stolen a ball from her and she had spoken up and was hit by one of them in the stomach. She told me that Naomi yelled for her friend to get an adult while she stood there facing them down. The counselor had asked Naomi why she had done that and she replied, "This happened before and I'm not letting them get away with it. I am not a princess that needs to be saved.". Listen, I don't get every thing right as a parent, but you better believe that moment went down in the books for me. She knows who she is and may God have mercy on your soul if you try to take that from her.

This feels like a good time to bring up that HOLY BANANAS, literally everything surrounding a child is telling them how they should be. From the moment their parents opens a cute, wrapped box and pink or blue balloons pop out and even continuing throughout adulthood, they are told to be soft and magical or tough and smart. My kids and I are super into fashion (who would've guessed, right?) and you better believe we noticed what the mainstream retailers tell children. They've even gendered animals, y'all. Just try to find a kitten on a shirt in the boys' section, I'll wait. We get asked constantly when we will start offering "boys' clothes" which makes my eye twitch every time. I understand the question and I try to reach into my empathy bag to realize, okay, there are people who still see clothes as one way or another and want a traditionally masculine thing for their child. It still bugs me though. Especially as a mom with a son that is just as comfortable in basketball shorts as a sundress, I wonder what people like that will say to him and if they will try to force his beautiful gelatinous self into a jello mold that doesn't fit him.

If I were to conclude this behemouth of a topic, it would be with this: let your kids be whoever the eff they are unless they are assholes. Practice your own autonomy since kids really do learn from example, respect their autonomy, and in turn, they will respect others'. The world is kind of a dumpster fire right now, but I have faith in this generation of caretakers and the generation we are raising. Empower your children and watch amazing things happen!

You may have seen us on the Internet before. Maybe it was a not-so-flattering article titled, “WOULD YOU DYE YOUR KIDS' HAIR LIKE THIS MOM DOES?” or perhaps your friend tagged you in one of our Instagram posts. Either way, I'm glad you're here and reading this.

My name is Kirsten Bosio. I’m a mom of three living in Los Angeles, and I started this company with my two young daughters, Naomi and Anni. I grew up as the weird kid in school listening to loud music and idolizing all the colorful, off-beat figures in pop-culture. I dyed my hair, drew all over myself in class, and had a hard time fitting in. Not surprisingly, I also had a hard time finding clothes that I liked - so I did a lot of thrifting and DIY-ing: upcycling all my vintage finds, painting denim vests, and constantly finding new ways to show the world who I am.

to connect with them and share my passions - So we dove right in. We watched some cult classics from the 80s & 90s (which, by the way, you're totally going to encounter that not all of these have aged well, and this is a great time to discuss all the awkward/not okay things - but I digress).  We EXCLUSIVELY listened to CDs for a 2-year period, much to the confusion of a lot of friends and family members. We read novels like Francesa Lia Block's Weetzie Bat. They of course still meddled with current culture, like Steven Universe and Top 40 hits, but wow, did they REALLY love all the things from my childhood. I wasn't exactly upset.

We went to work fashioning our own clothing, accessories, and playing around with hair colors. I found out quickly that my daughters were anything but my carbon copies. They both had completely unique styles and tastes. Naomi wasn't very feminine; although she would dabble in dramatic makeup from time to time, she liked being comfortable but still wanted to be intimidating. Suddenly there were spikes on everything and lots of SLIME. Slime-colored hair, slime face decals, and slime accents on her clothes.

 Anni was HYPER glam. Big dresses, glitter by the pound, and pink until your eyes bleed. She randomly would have goth days when she just wanted to listen to sad music, put on a black cape, and once even made me find her fishnets in her size to complete her mood.

Just 3 years ago, we attended the first birthday of our friends' son. Not knowing what to get him, I remembered that he was named after Joe Strummer of The Clash, and that his mom was obviously a huge fan, so I did something I never did before: I made a piece of clothing for someone other than myself or my kids. It was a hand-dyed vest. I made a The Clash back patch for, even Mod Podge-ing custom buttons, and sewn-on leopard fur accents. They were IN LOVE. It still actually hangs in their house as art well after their son outgrew it. It hit me: all kids should have access to clothes as crazy as they are.

In early 2017, Tiny Bangs was born. We've since tirelessly made hundreds of handmade pieces, had a failed Kickstarter, and experienced harsh comments from the public about the girls' appearance and countless days when all the hard work doesn't feel enough. When I was at my peronal lowest with the company a few months ago, I turned to the girls and asked, "What if we just didn't do this anymore?" and they both burst into TEARS. This whole journey has been OUR journey. I hugged them and although I immediately felt awful for even asking, it was honestly all I needed to push through and keep going. Around the same time our business began, I had pulled one of my daughters out of school for bullying. It felt like then more than ever, it was important to see weird kids celebrated for being themselves. She's started at a different school, but now when she's confronted with bullies, she handles it with more grace than even I, at almost 30 years old, am not sure I could. I think that's partially due to her being a part of this company. Kids need to be told that what's different about them is actually their greatest asset. They are powerful and creative and shouldn't be talked down; least of which, by their clothes.

I hope you've enjoyed learning a little more about us and how Tiny Bangs came about. There's so many exciting things coming soon and we're grateful to have you along with us on this journey. Feel free to hit the contact button if you have any questions! You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook and even sign up for our mailing list to make sure you stay on top of all the new happenings.